Shopping

Some of the places I should shop, but don't:
Anthropologie
Boden
L'Occitane

Some of the places I shop, but should shop at more often include:
Central Market
Williams-Sonoma
Whole Foods
Aveda

Some of my staples include:
Ann Taylor Loft
Gap
Target
Tom Thumb
Bath and Body Works

Scuba-Don't, Scuba-Do

Growing up I was always fascinated with the Ocean. There was a defining moment in 2nd grade in the library at school when I checked out a book about Sharks. From that moment on, I was hooked. I attended Sea Camp at Texas A&M Galveston when I was 15 and again when I was 16. I was going to be a Marine Biologist but I didn't have the study skills or motivation to make it through all the math and science. When I was in college, I took Scuba at UTA and got certified. I had just a handful of dives under my belt and then I had the accident. I was never all that comfortable in the water but that was probably because I was just uptight in general and never relaxed. The accident I had was all because I wasn't prepared for basic situations. My mouth got dry (which is very common) and I coughed. The thing I did wrong was not hold my regulator to keep it from coming out of my mouth. So it did and I inhaled a ton of water and panicked. I inflated my BCD and shot myself to the surface. It felt like I was kicked in the chest and I was light headed and close to blacking out. Fortunately I was only down about 20 feet. This was close to 10 years ago and I had not been diving since. Until now. I decided to give it another go and enrolled again at UTA in scuba class. This time is so different. I am calm and comfortable in the water and skills that were extremely hard for me to do before like mask clearing are second nature to me now. I am excited to be back in the water and to get back to my passion. I had missed out on so many experiences over the years in places like Grand Cayman, Aruba, St. Lucia, Puerto Vallarta, Turks and Caicos, and Dominican Republic to name a few. I owe it to myself to not just give up on my passion and to give myself another chance at doing something I truly love. So the question now is...where to next?

Back To Blogging - Random Post

The last several posts have basically said I know I have not been keeping my blog up to date. It's been over a month since my last post and so much has been going on. Most of it too personal to get into too much detail (other than the cryptic Facebook status updates - what was I thinking?). If you are close to me and Frank then you know what's been going on. Things are getting more stable and I am happier. Still a lot to work out. Our house is still on the market. It's only been a month, but we have only had 2 showings and 1 open house with 1 looker.

Aside from the drama the past month or so has brought, I have not been working out and I have been watching way too much TV. Currently, I am watching:

Project Runway
Smallville
Supernatural
Vampire Diaries (lame, but giving it a chance)
True Blood (just finished the 1st season)
Ghost Hunters
Ghost Whisperer
...do you see a theme here?

I have also been cooking again and being more domestic. I abandoned anything domestic this past summer to party like I was 20 instead. Once I figured out this having a kid thing wasn't going to happen, it’s like a switch was flipped in my head and my brain was transported back 10 years. What the hell was I thinking? It reaked havoc on my marriage, my body, my mind. I guess I was thinking if I wasn't going to have children, I didn't need to be domestic. I also had 4 years of stress built up of trying to get pregnant and being let down each and every month. I felt free almost like I didn't need to stay healthy anymore and I could treat my body like a playground of sorts. Every decision I made in the past 4 years had "what if I get pregnant" at the forefront of it. I also stopped working out and put on 10 pounds. So I have been easing back into the gym and hope to be back to my normal self soon.

Anyway, I am bored of Facebook, but will keep my account so I can post links to my blog updates and still keep up with my friends.

I know this was a random post...but my thoughts have been random as of late while trying to rediscover myself.

Life Is A Difficult Task

I have always been a fan of comfort and peace. I have lived in the same house for 7 years, had the same spouse for 14 years and have lived in the same state for close to 30 years. However, life does change. I have a lot of friends who seem to have an easy time taking life as it comes, but for some reason, I can't imagine myself doing the same. If I need to pick up and change my life, why wouldn't it be as easy for me? What is my problem? Why is change so hard? I seem to be resistant. Well, it's because I don't want it to change. In life, there are things beyond our control...no matter how hard we try to control them. People say "you will be ok" and "you will make it through this", but I think that all they mean is that "I will not die and will remain amongst the living". Not good enough. I am willing to fight for what I care for and I am not willing to give up on what means the most to me. I will not go down with this ship. Love is love. No matter how messed up a person may be. We are ourselves before we are joined and we need to take care of ourselves in order to be one. And that is what I plan to do...

More to come.

Reading Rainbow

The only time I ever read is when I travel. I have an upcoming trip to Chicago this week so I plan on reading the True Blood books. I will be borrowing them from a friend, but I did go to Barnes and Noble to get a few backups incase I end up in a different mood. I got Eat, Pray, Love and another book called Up For Renewal. Both titles seem to be perfect for my life at this point. Anyway, I am super excited about my upcoming trip and I am so ready to get away for a couple of days to hang with my girls!

Following The Formula

When did it become necessary to follow a certain formula for life? Birth + School + Work + Marriage + Kids = Happiness? Says who? I thought I had to follow this formula. I thought this was how you did "life", not to mention I have never been good at math. Since deciding not to have children, I have been through a cornucopia of emotions and discoveries. It's been hard on me and Frank and confusing to my friends and those who don't know me all that well. I guess it can best be described as a "mid-life crisis". As embarrassing as it is to admit, I am having one. I have gone through episodes of partying, episodes of depression, episodes of self-doubt, and episodes of not knowing what to do with myself and my life (to name a few). I know I am not the only female in her 30's to go through this scenario, but it feels like it. Sheesh! It's time to start a new chapter of my life and it is scary. Now if I can just figure out how to do it...

Slacker

I have really been slacking on my blog. I have had a lot going on and not a lot going on all at the same time. Sorry to confuse anyone with that. I have not had a lot to write about and have not wanted to post any goofy pics or anything like that. But here is a run down of my life over the past few weeks (at least what I want to share).

1. Had a birthday and turned 34. This year was harder than others for some reason.
2. Went to Eddie V's for my birthday and it was one of the best meals I have had in a long time.
3. Got to participate in the Mouser golf tournament again this year. I will post a link to the photos soon.
4. Booked my flight and bought my dress for Missy's wedding in Chicago at the end of the month!
5. Shannon is coming back!!!!!!!!!!!! I am beyond thrilled, but I also know this is really hard for her and her family having to leave their family in Kansas.
6. Decided not to have children. This is a pretty big one. After trying for 4 years and doing everything but invitro, it was just time to say "uncle" because we just don't want to spend $15K right now. Also, if we don't want to spend the money, maybe we don't want it bad enough. BUT I do feel a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. I just need to figure out what to do with myself now. That has been the hard part.

That's pretty much it, although I a sure I am missing something. I will try to be more attentive to my blog. I guess sometimes I think if I am not interested in my life...who else will be?