Thursday, October 29, 2009
Selfishness...Indulgence...Me. I have spent a lot of time alone as of late. When I first started spending time alone, I acted like a teenager who was left alone for the first time. I would eat Haagen-Dazs Vanilla Bean Ice cream topped with Bailey's Irish Cream for dinner. I would eat pizza and drink wine. Why would I act like this? I have lived like this for a couple years now, so you think I would be used to it. But I'm not. Why am I a 14 year old trapped in a 34 year old body? I have no children, no "real" responsibilities. But is that any excuse acting like this? Is it really wrong? Would you if you could? I am just glad I am not left alone for long periods of time. What would I become if I were? I should not be in charge of myself. I treat myself like that one cool aunt who would let you do whatever you wanted with no recourse. My body is not Caligula...I know this. My life is not a cartoon. I know this. But I seem to go by the mantra of "whateva-I do what I want" when left alone. Ug. With that said, I do have my limits and self-awarenes. But I sometimes wonder...why can't I be normal, and why do I use "..." when I type so much?