Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Gratuitous Pity Post

I will never understand why I can't catch a break, but it seems like nothing comes easily for me. Everything I have ever passionately wanted has been hard to obtain. Even things that are very easy for others don't come easy for me. So as you can probably guess by this post, I am not pregnant. The IUI did not take. I do not know what my next step will be or when it will be. I spoke to the doctor and was told I can give it (the IUI) another go this month or I could go ahead and do a laparoscopic exploratory surgery (which 3 doctors have recommended to me already). They do recommend I only try the IUI one more time before I do the surgery, but I say why waste any more time, money, and stress...I almost want to skip directly to the surgery. I have some thinking to do I guess. Women were put on this earth to reproduce. That is our purpose as humans. I am broken. I cannot do what I was put on this earth to do. It will never make sense to me how people who should not have children, who abuse them and neglect them and don't even want them, seem to have them all the time. People who are not financially stable enough to have children have children, and people who are on drugs get pregnant. Why? It’s hard to cope with these thoughts. I have been told "don't stress and you will get pregnant", "it will happen when it's meant to happen", "it will happen soon". I understand why people tell me these things...they don't know what else to say. They are just trying to make me feel better. It’s appreciated, but unfortunately they just don't understand. When I first had the IUI done, I was very positive. The closer I got to knowing, the more pessimistic I became. I was told to think positive, but it’s next to impossible when disappointment is all you know.

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